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This isn’t going to be a pleasant blog. Nor will it carry an overall message of positivity or hope for better mental health. I have no advice. It will instead describe incredible pain, despair, fear, anger, and hopelessness. I will detail my experience in the mental health system and it won’t necessarily be organized, chronological,…
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Songs I’m working on: For the October 14th drag show – Come Little Children by Erutan but known by its use in the movie Hocus Pocus. Journey to the Past, by Liz Calloway but known by its use in the movie Anastasia, 1997. NOT a Disney movie. Although I heard Disney now owns it. Besides…
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I’ve been very diligent about taking my meds. They do keep me functioning. There is a lot I have to do, every day. Sometimes I am completely overwhelmed but, on the meds, it doesn’t seem so bad. And some of what I do isn’t work related, something the doctors always said was important. I’m in…
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I sort of feel like I am trying to slog through mud. I’m tired. Everything feels so heavy and difficult. It does not help that I am at work, loaded with around 25 patients because I’m the only CNA. The nurses helped out a lot with vitals but there are a lot of them, and…
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I’m so stressed, and irritated, and depressed about everything. I hate to get all emo (there’s a reference that’ll date me) but it’s so hard fighting these mood swings and feelings. I did a lot of therapy to get more a handle on it and that helped and I still use that therapy to this…
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Showtime tomorrow! I have one more night of work after tonight, I’ll take a nap, then it’s time to get ready. This show is important, a lot of people and other singers will be there. There should be a lineup getting emailed out today. I’m singing Jolene, as the fundraiser is Dolly Parton themed. I…
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My sense of burnout is strong. I’m sick of patient care. There, I said it. I have a show coming up next week, that’s the only thing to look forward to right now. The wildfires that tore through my city left a lot of damage and heartbreak. I’m taking part in a fundraiser to benefit…
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Tomorrow is it, my first show in which I sing for the first time in a couple months. My voice seems mostly to be back and I’m finally over the walking pneumonia. I’m singing White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane at the Alice in Wonderland themed Garland Pride and will be in my elaborate purple gown…
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Today – the 19th – is my birthday. I am now 41 years old. They say aging is supposed to mellow you out but I’m as high strung as I always was. Restless, sometimes hypomanic, medicated for bipolar swings, and with great skin. I don’t look my age. I look like I’m in my early…
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I have struggled with med compliance. I missed a few days. Not in a row, but it still fucked with my mood. Every time I think I can ease up, I’ll be fine, it’s no big deal…I can’t. I come crawling back, and I hate it. They’re a production in and of themselves. I could…
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