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This isn’t going to be a pleasant blog. Nor will it carry an overall message of positivity or hope for better mental health. I have no advice. It will instead describe incredible pain, despair, fear, anger, and hopelessness. I will detail my experience in the mental health system and it won’t necessarily be organized, chronological,…
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I went to the doctor – pharyngitis, or sore throat that is chronic and severe. They gave me prednisone and Tessalon pills to manage symptoms until I hopefully heal. Unlikely I will perform at Nyne anytime soon, but Garland Pride is August 22. I want to sing so bad. It’s an important coping mechanism for…
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My voice is still gone, and it hurts to swallow. Which sucks. Shows are coming up. I went ahead and agreed to Garland Pride singing and have until the 22nd to get my voice back. I’m calling my doctor when I get off work. There are also shows the 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the…
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I forgot my meds today. It may be all my imagination, but I swear I can feel it. Missing even one day throws me off and makes me depressed. Maybe it’s just placebo but what difference does it make if the anguish is the same? I did see Ceila and the new baby last night…
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People who say they have no regrets are liars. Everyone regrets something, everyone wishes for a chance to fix that one mistake… I get down on myself hard sometimes, dwelling on mistakes and regrets. My bipolar brain has me remembering all my efforts, sometimes driven by manic urges and delusions, and I’m left with this…
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The boat was so cool the first time. Classy and elegant. Now it was looking like Carnival as Princess seemed to be making a turn toward accommodating kids. I find this grotesque. Mom got pneumonia after spending just too much time outside on deck, smoking. Literally exposure is what got her. No one else on…
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So, I haven’t been able to sing since I nailed My Heart Will Go On on the cruise ship. And I did nail it too. My version of pneumonia started about a day after mom’s, when we got off the boat and made it to the hotel. I had puking, fever, coughing, headache. That was…
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We got to Fairbanks Tuesday night, June 23, excited for our land tour. And it was spectacular. Because Alaska is gorgeous. Sometimes it looked like home, but then on steroids. We had clear sunny weather. On the first day we actually ordered in some items from Walmart we couldn’t grab on our way out because…
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Pride on Saturday was absolutely epic. Matty put on one hell of a show. I was a part of that show – during the festival, I performed at the Fountain Stage in Riverfront Park, the jewel of Spokane and a relic from Expo ’74. I did my Rose cosplay – the jump dress with my…
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I haven’t talked to my brother, but I did send him a strongly worded text after he sent me one: “ready to talk?” He didn’t reply. Then tonight mom and I sent him a Walmart order of groceries and water. He had texted her, asking for some food. He’s so absurdly broke and I feel…
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My brother has betrayed me. I got a phone call from my mom while at work last night, at VA. She never calls me at work, and in fact, if you do, it means it’s an emergency. That’s the code. She told me George was flailing about the house, screaming and carrying on, and most…
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Documenting my journey through the mental health system 